got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
