I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
