If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
