dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
