You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
