Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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