...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
