i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The beer is more important than you right now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
