it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
