yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
