look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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