omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
