he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize