hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A+ Viking dick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
