I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
