It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
