had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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