so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
