yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
