thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
