How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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