Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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