there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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