Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
