guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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