I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is my gift to your gina
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
