Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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