The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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