Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
