I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
