you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
