How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't deserve a penis
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
