So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
