she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize