maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
