so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize