At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
