Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
