Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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