Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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