i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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