I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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