as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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