Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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