No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize