I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
