Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All the doctor said was why
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
