Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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