that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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