i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
