you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
