i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
