I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
