You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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