i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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