what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
