So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize