your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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