hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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