Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
