yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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