this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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