i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My vagina is officially offended.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
