you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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