is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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