Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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