Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
