The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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