nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize