Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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