ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
