Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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