I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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