I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
