even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
