"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
