I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
