At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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