a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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