i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
