I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
