I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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