U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
