I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
