WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
