She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
