I wanna bring you to show and tell
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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